Category Archives: g-spot

it’s true, women ejaculate

Readers called me on my bald and unjustified assertion that “women don’t ejaculate.”

I should have said that most women don’t ejaculate, though some do sometimes and others do all the time.

I mentioned female ejaculation in my introduction to the g-spot:

There are some who suggest that [the urethral sponge] is the source of female ejaculation, a relatively rare but normal and healthy phenomenon where a woman ejaculates a large amount of fluid that is definitely not urine but also definitely not vaginal secretions. It looks for all the world like it’s coming from the urethra, but it’s not coming from the bladder.

But that’s another post.

This is that other post, I suppose.

I don’t tend to talk about ejaculation unless I’m asked because – like multiple, extended, energy, and simultaneous orgasms – I feel that too much is made of it and that women get a bit wrapped up in these extremes of orgasmic experience, rather than paying attention to their partners and enjoying the sex they’re having, which (along with bringing joy and confidence to bed) are the real ways to improve your sex life.

Let me say that again, because I want to make sure this message doesn’t get swamped by the flood of female ejaculation that follows:

The key ways to improve your sex life are:
1. Pay attention to your partner;
2. Bring confidence and joy to bed with you; and
3. Most importantly, ENJOY THE SEX YOU ARE HAVING. Enjoy it. Be inside your body and inside your relationship and let yourself be drenched in pleasure.

Ejaculation? Fun and amusing project. Call it the cupcake of sex. Confidence and joy, paying attention to your partner, and enjoying the sex you’re having, those are the huge, gorgeous salads stacked high with dark green leaves, broiled salmon with its omega-3s, and multiple colors of fresh, local veggies.

I’m all for cupcakes. But cupcakes will do you no good if you’re not getting yer greens, right? Right.

However. Since people asked. Here’s the bit about female ejaculation from my forthcoming Good In Bed Guide to Female Orgasm (which will itself include some of the orgasm bits from the blog – I just read the proof and it’s so good that even I learned stuff when I read it, and that is saying something, since I wrote it… anyway, back to ejaculation):

    Not all women will be able to ejaculate, while some women ejaculate every time they have an orgasm. No one really knows why either of these things might be true or how to change it. If you’re not already an ejaculator but you’d like to try for it, g-spot stimulation is one way to do it.

    Allow a high level of arousal to build up over a long time – say, an hour. If the “prostate” theory is right (see blockquote above), what you’re doing is allowing fluid to build up in the urethral sponge, which will be expelled with orgasm. Some women have described pressing on the g-spot at orgasm and thus triggering ejaculation. That’s another trick to try.

    Ejaculation is something that might change over your life. Hormonal changes seem to influence ejaculation, so that some women start to ejaculate when they reach menopause, whereas other women stop ejaculating when they reach menopause. It’s kind of like how some women get acne when they go on the pill, but other women’s acne clears up when they go on the pill. No one is sure why or how different women respond differently to changes in hormones; it’s one of those questions that’s still unanswered.

    So if you don’t ejaculate now, wait a few years and see what happens!

introducing… the g-spot

I said I’d write about the g-spot, so here it is! Hurrah. This is just an intro – it’s history, what it is, where it is.

“G” stands for Grafenberg, the gynecologist who “discovered” the spot. In 1950 he wrote an academic article about the role of the urethra in female sexual response, particularly with regard to orgasm through penetration. It was named the g-spot by researchers Beverly Whipple and John Perry, 30 years after the original article was published.

What is it? It’s your prostate… sorta. Every part that a man has, a woman has an equivalent part, a “homologue.” It’s the same stuff, just organized in a different way. The penis is the homologue of the clitoris, the scrotum is the homologue of the outer labia, and the prostate is the homologue of the urethral sponge, a spongy body of tissue that wraps around the urethra.

The prostate in men is known to have two functions: it swells up around the man’s urethra when he’s aroused, thus preventing him from urinating while he’s turned on. It also produces seminal fluid, the whitish liquid in which sperm travel.

The urethral sponge, we thus assume, has the equivalent functions. It does in fact swell with arousal, closing off the urethra. (Hence you can’t pee right after orgasm.) Whether or not the urethral sponge also produces some kind of fluid is less certain. There are some who suggest that this is the source of female ejaculate, a relatively rare but normal and healthy phenomenon where a woman ejaculates a large amount of fluid that is definitely not urine but also definitely not vaginal secretions. It looks for all the world like it’s coming from the urethra, but it’s not coming from the bladder.

But that’s another post.

The urethral sponge is sandwiched between the urethra and the vagina. It’s easiest to find when you’re already aroused. Because the tissue swells with arousal, the g-spot becomes more sensitive and more pronounced with arousal.

So get yourself warmed up with whatever clitorial or other non-penetrative stimulation gets you warm and wet. Then insert a finger about two joints, and feel along the anterior (front – the side closer to your belly button) wall of the vagina. You’ll feel either a little nubby or an area where the texture is different from where it is everywhere else.

The vagina does not go straight up and down. For most women, it is angled toward the abdomen. Pay attention to that angle as you’re feeling for the g-spot. It will be a crucial factor in generating effective stimulation later.

If you put pressure there, you might feel like you have to pee. That’s because you’re essentially pressing against the urethra, and your brain is interpreting that sensation as a need to pee. If you pee beforehand, you can relax knowing that your bladder is empty. Also, remember the g-spot swells up with arousal, making it impossible to pee even when you want to.

It might also be that pressure against the g-spot just hurts. If that’s true for you, there are a couple things that might be causing the pain:

The first is the g-spot itself. You might be one of the women not wired for pleasurable g-spot stimulation. Don’t worry, there are plenty of other ways for you to have an orgasm.

It might also be that the pain is related not the to g-spot but to penetration itself. Were you sufficiently lubricated that your finger slid easily into your vagina? Friction burns and can cause irritation.

Or you might not have long fingernails poking into your vaginal wall – cut your nails down below your fingertip and file it smooth. Very important.

A last source of pain might be inflammation or infection of the vagina. Yeast infections, STIs, and other imbalances of the vaginal fauna can cause burning, itching, and irritation. If your ladyship is not in tip-top condition, this will interfere with your enjoyment of your sexuality. If you’re not sure about your health status, get ye to a gyno.

Hope that’s helpful. I’ll write about what to do now you’ve found it, later. Next weekish.