Readers called me on my bald and unjustified assertion that “women don’t ejaculate.”
I should have said that most women don’t ejaculate, though some do sometimes and others do all the time.
I mentioned female ejaculation in my introduction to the g-spot:
There are some who suggest that [the urethral sponge] is the source of female ejaculation, a relatively rare but normal and healthy phenomenon where a woman ejaculates a large amount of fluid that is definitely not urine but also definitely not vaginal secretions. It looks for all the world like it’s coming from the urethra, but it’s not coming from the bladder.
But that’s another post.
This is that other post, I suppose.
I don’t tend to talk about ejaculation unless I’m asked because – like multiple, extended, energy, and simultaneous orgasms – I feel that too much is made of it and that women get a bit wrapped up in these extremes of orgasmic experience, rather than paying attention to their partners and enjoying the sex they’re having, which (along with bringing joy and confidence to bed) are the real ways to improve your sex life.
Let me say that again, because I want to make sure this message doesn’t get swamped by the flood of female ejaculation that follows:
The key ways to improve your sex life are:
1. Pay attention to your partner;
2. Bring confidence and joy to bed with you; and
3. Most importantly, ENJOY THE SEX YOU ARE HAVING. Enjoy it. Be inside your body and inside your relationship and let yourself be drenched in pleasure.
Ejaculation? Fun and amusing project. Call it the cupcake of sex. Confidence and joy, paying attention to your partner, and enjoying the sex you’re having, those are the huge, gorgeous salads stacked high with dark green leaves, broiled salmon with its omega-3s, and multiple colors of fresh, local veggies.
I’m all for cupcakes. But cupcakes will do you no good if you’re not getting yer greens, right? Right.
However. Since people asked. Here’s the bit about female ejaculation from my forthcoming Good In Bed Guide to Female Orgasm (which will itself include some of the orgasm bits from the blog – I just read the proof and it’s so good that even I learned stuff when I read it, and that is saying something, since I wrote it… anyway, back to ejaculation):
Not all women will be able to ejaculate, while some women ejaculate every time they have an orgasm. No one really knows why either of these things might be true or how to change it. If you’re not already an ejaculator but you’d like to try for it, g-spot stimulation is one way to do it.
Allow a high level of arousal to build up over a long time – say, an hour. If the “prostate” theory is right (see blockquote above), what you’re doing is allowing fluid to build up in the urethral sponge, which will be expelled with orgasm. Some women have described pressing on the g-spot at orgasm and thus triggering ejaculation. That’s another trick to try.
Ejaculation is something that might change over your life. Hormonal changes seem to influence ejaculation, so that some women start to ejaculate when they reach menopause, whereas other women stop ejaculating when they reach menopause. It’s kind of like how some women get acne when they go on the pill, but other women’s acne clears up when they go on the pill. No one is sure why or how different women respond differently to changes in hormones; it’s one of those questions that’s still unanswered.
So if you don’t ejaculate now, wait a few years and see what happens!